Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Yes, in fact, something is up my ass...

I'm not one to jump into any trend. That may be why I made a site mocking trends. Than again, I did sorta jump onto that whole blogging trend...well shit....fuck it thats not the point. For the last few weeks in class I have had a pain in the ass classmate so annoying, I believe he has actually infected my ass. Its that bad.

I should have known shit would go sour the moment I first saw him. Short, latino, wearing a floppy hat and all too quick to take off his crocks and go without footwear during class. This guy had "Low self esteem" written all over him. Unfortunately, when you have low self esteem, you may at times feel obliged to over-exagerate your confidence and become loud and obnoxious. This was the case with this S.O.B.

Talking in loud, overly positive tones, he quickly began asking questions, pretending he was so relaxed he could almost fall asleep, and oddly enough he seemed to be having fun in class. He tapped girls on the shoulder than smiled at them and said it wasnt him, he befriended a blind guy, and he kept mentioning that we should come out to a "realllly good christian indie concert" with him...the truth was in the pudding.

Sadly, yesterday he finally decided he was getting sick of hitting on fat and ugly girls who like his flirtatious yet non threatening behavior. He decided to turn that last stone over and get to know me. I am not a quiet guy normally, but when someone is as obnoxious and happy as him, I tend to stick to myself. That didnt last long, though. Yesterday, when the professor got my name wrong, the little shit head decided that he had found an in. "Hey brah, you should tell him to pronounce it right!!teheeehee!" I smiled at him grimly, not trying to destroy his fragile ego but not trying to encourage him anymore.

This smile apparently was a bad decision. Three minutes later he asks me whats up out of the blue. Before I can respond with a grunt, he calls out "The sky!!" than laughs his ass off. Some douchebag in the back laughed to. I hate that person as well.

At the end of class, I was shaken by his attempts to penetrate my hostility but determined to get out of the room intact. Unfortunately, he comes flying behind me at 40 miles an hour, his little legs pattering against the ground so hard, and he tags my ass. "Your it! Tehehe!!" he than flies away, quickly pursued by another unidentified douchebag.

I got home determined to understand what makes this runt tick. After hours of research, I concluded that he was motivated to impress others because of his small size and at an early age he was given the choice of being overly conforming and friendly, or being picked on as a small piece of shit. Clearly, this young man made a jackass choice. He has become a festering ass pain like none other. I hope hes happy.

I ABSSSSOLUTELY love those Southern Gentlemen!

As per usual, during about the 5th hour of facebook stalking I had endured today after work, I was disgusted to discover a new group I had been invited to, "I Love my Southern Gentleman!".

Now...normally I just hit deny and go back to my search for nip slips. Today, however, I was much too curious to see just how backwards the world has come to. From the moment the home page loaded, I was blinded with croakies and cheesy bitches who still call black people "coloreds". Could I possibly have stumbled into the new gate to hell? Could everything thats wrong with the world actually be summed up in one facebook page?

The answer is yes.

35 pictures of chubby frat boys with names like Grayson and Carlton waving Blue Moon that they likely never finish and visors saying shit like "Oak Ridge Slaveholders Club", 100 wall posts from girls without a single flaw praising these guys, and not one man brave enough to have challenged these people so far. I was appalled.

Call me a hater, call me jealous, but I think we need to clarify some shit here.
1.)The Southern Gentlemen are guys who ride on boats theyre parents purchased.
2.)The Southern Gentlemen belieive they are handsome and manly, even though they had a servant put on those lift kits to the custom Jeep and they lack chins due to poor genetics from their British and inbred roots.
3.)Southern Gentlemen like to go out of their way to fulfill a stereotype, even if it means selling their soul. This includes relentlessly hitting on every girl in site by telling her, "Hey, you should come drink Bud Light on my dads boat with me!" or "Hey, let me hold that door for you, god knows im strong enough!"
4.)The Southern Gentleman is extremely scared of everyone not named Grayson or Carlton and will usually avoid contact with anyone outside of their tax bracket. This may be because they are elitists, or it may just be because they will indeed get a massive ass whooping which no man can measure.

So please, refrain from the Southern Gentleman comments, these jackasses cant even string together their own croakies let alone be someone unique.