Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Some more tidbits about this First "Gangster"

-He says he loves "Italian War Dogs"...What the fuck is that all about, honestly man, Im speechless. Thats probably something you need to talk to a shrink about.
-He says he hates reading. Surprise Surprise.
-The quote "Baller status Acquired" exsists on his facebook page.

I could go on and on, but i actually just wanted to say ive decided to do a daily bio of the jackasses falling for these lame ass trends in college. I usually piss off enough that this could go on for years, I swear. Or at least until the first guy sicks his Italian War dogs on me.

The Shit I Deal With: Part 1-The Needledick

I wont give away this guys name, but hes 20 years old and a stoner. Hes about 5'9 and 140. His friend had threatened to shoot me because I made fun of his aviators. This escalated quick and at some point in the scuffle, he decided he was Chuck Liddell and jumped in. He was quickly slammed. He than went to his car and got an air soft gun and shot my friend. Its funnier that he got the air soft gun than anything else, its like stabbing a guy with a spoon. He was than slammed by a guy no bigger than he. I was too busy with my own potential sniper to deal with him, but soon after he began posting comments on facebook telling people we jumped him.

I dont get this shit..but this is his response to me telling him to stop talking.

"look u rboi daniel is a birch and no kyle kyle didnt
slam me . apparently daniel being 40 pounds bigger than me couldnt fight me himeself he , he had his 2 friends help yea kyle was on me cause he didnt want shit fucked up so lets just say that was complrtgly unfair. so lets just say this if it goes down again it definitely
WILL be completely unfair he had his chance to fight me 1 on 1 . his pussy was wet that night and he needs to dry it off..... im a motherrfucker that doesnt give a fuck jsut to prove a point ill rolle to clemson with 20 heads thats how i Roll. watch ur fucking back fool if ur gina talk shit. to you i might look like a conservative white boy but dont let looks decieve you SON. "

This guy has been drinking Monsters and staring at himself in the mirror while doing pullups all day. I imagine he was jacked up enough at this point to write such an XtReMe message. I didnt bother responding. I told some black friends about his attempts to be ghetto and they handled it. I wont comment any further.

The Shit I Deal With: Intro

I am absolutely the most normal person ever born. Compare me with Jesus Christ and youll defintely find that even he is odder than I am. Im the index for which all normalcy must be compared. I wear a plain polo shirt, jeans, and white high tops. I dont comb my hair. I dont wear it long. I dont talk jive. I drive a stock Grand Cheorokee. I am of average size (6'1 185). I am friendly but not outgoing. I am witty but not obnoxious. I am more than willing to pick on all my flaws. That being said, I find it astounding that I draw so much negative attention from the douchebag masses on college campuses. This pleases me, to be honest, to know that I can fight fire with fire and worst comes to worst I know in a fight I wont have to pretend im someone im not...this translates to "I will break a bottle over their heads than run and hide and set up some random person who walks by than never speak of the incident again..". I do, however, think its time I start unveiling some of the lamer messages I have received over the last few weekends.

These are all facebook messages from guys I mocked or called out jokingly at my friend Kyles party. I love that they send their threats via the internet than when push comes to shove find an excuse to run. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, any kid who tells you they are "tough" or "real" is probably no better a fighter than your alcoholic grandfather.

So...you dont like to read?

I like to peruse facebook for 18 out of every 24 hours in a day. I search and meander and occasionally fall asleep or eat some olives or smoke a cigarette, but mostly I just look on in a near comatose state. One thing that always jumps out to me is the unbelievable amount of students who put the same fucking jokes down under the "Favirote Books" section on their profile. Do you people really think those cute chicks that accidentally come across your page will consider your illiteracy the ace in the hole? Do you honestly believe this makes you badass? I dont know when being close minded and lame became "hard" but im pretty sure its becoming a trend...oh god.

School Spirits' for Lameasses

I tried to be subtle, but its just too hard. I like going to my schools basketball games. I have this feeling that by attending and staring at the opposing team menacingly, they will falter and the money I have on the game will be secured. Could I be wrong? Possibly, probably not, but possibly.

Unfortunately, all the positive karma I try to develop through my presence at the game is consistently ruined by the droves of students doing the wave and screaming at the top of their lungs. Im pretty sure these SOBs are causing the schools team to get overconfident. This is killing me and my wallet. All I can do now is point a finger at these people and ask...why?

Why do you get so caught up in a team you can only really identify with for 4 years? Why do you try to create "tradition" by acting as though every game is an epic rivalry when in all honesty, unless you attend a Big Ten or SEC school, your teams considered shit nationally? I dont know, but being surrounded by a sea of green is enough to make a guy want to quit gambling forever, and that is just not happening. Somethings got to give, and I think it can start by not painting letters on your stomachs. Give it a shot, I guarantee not only will the people around you appreciate it, but so will I....and my bookie.