Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Smoking, A Healthy Habit for Children and Adults Both! wants you to believe smoking is "not hip". Rob Reiner wants you to believe smoking is rude and disgusting. Your doctor wants you to believe that by smoking your going to end up a very ugly and sickly old the age of 27.

Im here to tell you, those people suck. They suck ass. Way to be a bunch of downers dipshits. Way to label people as slackers and unhealthy just because they do something different than you. Way to decide whats hip and whats not when none of you deal with the real world at any point in time. Way to be.

In all honesty, heres a few things about smoking you wont hear from the "edgy" mullato dude with an afro passing out BUTT-OUT stickers while blaring contemporary indie rock from his ipod:
1.Smoking looks fucking badass- For real, think about it, Patrick Swayze, Heath Ledger, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Barack Obama. Talk about some badass and cool people. They all smoke, they all get hot ass (even Marilyn) whenever they damn well please, and they all intimidate anti-smoking advocates who never got to hang in the cool crowd in high school.

2. Smoking eases the mind- Long day? Having trouble stepping away from life and thinking for a moment? Smoking helps this by easing the brain and allowing you to focus on little details youd never realize in the hustle bustle of life.

3. Cigarettes and Cigars are pretty fucking cheap- For 4 bucks a pack here in NC or about 5 dollars a stogie, you can get an enjoyable little experience out of the day without dishing out all your cash. The tobacco companies have a product thats heavily addicting, admittedly, but the good news is, they dont price gouge one iota. Because they care.

4. Oompa Lompas make each smoke with extra care- Yes, its true, its not a myth, Willy Wonka owns nearly all tobbaco packaging plants and has created a beautiful little group of paradise like locations. Inside you find the little orange Loompas singing and dancing while puffing away and frolicking. I visited twice, after finding the golden tobacco leaf, and I left extremely impressed and inspired.

5. Blowing smoke in the face of activisits is fulfilling- If I die today, at least I will know I was able to make life miserable to those bastards who advocate every cause they feel is important to them. My motto is, if you inflict your views on me by bashing everything I love, Ill inflict my views on you by fornicating in public places and tapping ash on your birkenstocks.

So, now you know just how awesome smoking is. If youve got to choose a vice, nothings cheaper or more satisying...well except maybe beer, but thats for another time and place.

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