Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Brace Yourself For 2009

A new year, a new beginning, and for TrendyFlavor, a new chance to be petty and spiteful towards our peers. Looking ahead, I can already see trouble looming. From the bloated egos of Obama voters to the emergence of the Jonas Brothers as a force to be reckoned with, I daresay the times they are a changing. Luckily, after a 6 month hiatus of scraping by and working my way through life like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls, I am here to re-open Trendy Flavor.

To really kick things off with a bang, lets look at some of the shiteous trends of 2008 we can only hope will be forgotten:

1. Twilight- Fucking retarded. I dont know what could possibly be said about this movie besides that. Do I go with the homosexually inclined vampires or the wayward crowds of fans who look forward to nothing more than living vicariously through a collection of characters best described as "miserable".

2. American Idol- Every year I await its downfall and signs point to the end being near, but for now it fights on. A new host will be sure to add a ton of "spunk" and "female perspective". I especially cant wait for her and Paula to slap fives during the judgments and shout out "You go girl!" before hastily making their ways off stage when the cameras stop and engaging in some serious scissoring.

3. Politically Active Young People- I know, I know, im probably asking for too much but would it hurt so bad if a few kids from my generation jumped off the bandwagon now before reality bites them in the ass? Im doing these people a favor by even suggesting this. Yes, you managed to get all sappy and retarded and elect a guy who makes you feel important but in the next few months your going to realize that being important and being special straddle a fine line. Also, you suck.

4. Bud Light Commercials- Because nothing says I love a good time like hanging out with a diverse set of friends in a Harlem street corner while determining whether beer is a meal. Im going out on a limb and guessing that the very Bud Light the surfer-dude main character was wearing was probably his last meal, and a shitty one at that.

5. People calling themselves "laid back"- Is everyone in this world "laid back"? One would certainly have to assume this because if you asked 100 college students how theyd describe themselves and their friends, 99 of them would answer laid back. The other one would answer "chill". Last time I checked, nobody is ever actually laid back. They just have certain buttons and while some have more than others, everyone stresses out about something and can be an uptight prick. Next time someone tells you differently punch them in the dick and see how laid back they really are. Yeah, thatll teach em.

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