Sunday, November 25, 2007

My Petty and Wonderful Christmas Wishlist

I decided nows as good a time as ever to make my wish list. Its really a nice change of pace actually, now, instead of reserving these spiteful wishes for strictly blowing out candles and breaking the wishbone after thanksgiving, I can just air it all out at once. Fuck yes.

1. A Servant of some kind. No ethnicity really required, but a person who can do my bidding, plant some profitable crops for me, and remind me how lucky and amazing I am. I will consider a butler, but they tend to have to much lip.

2. 20 dollars. Im not picky. 20 dollars is a good gift. I could buy beer and a t-shirt that tells people im a slacker and if its especially cheap beer and fabric, I could also afford a pack of Camels. Jesus thats like a fucking days worth of fun right there.

3. New York City- Every burrough, every bridge, every person. Id scoop it up, tilt it vertically, and watch as the largest gathering of scummy guidos and brownstoners fall into the ocean. If they survive, ill force them to reside in Jersey. If Bostonians give me any more lip, theyre next. Ill probably re-design New York after this genocide. Id make it cool, rename it Gotham, find someone to be the cities batman, burn every FDNY cap I can find, and make a giant loft across Times Square that everyone has to walk by while I expose some Morning Wood in my glass walled house. Elaborate? Hell no!

4. A really cool, rundown looking record player so I can show it off in my dormroom while young semi-alternative girls look on in fascination at my sophisticated musical tastes. Maybe we could sip some Chardonnay afterwards and talk about Dylan and activism and my awesome college beard.

thats all

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