What Your Major Says About You

I needed a column that really opens up the site to new possibilities and new readers (sorry mom i need more than one). That said, I decided all my judging of people and analysis could be put together to typecast each person in college, simply by their major. I know im right on with this bad boy too.

1.Architecture: Smart, efficient, hiding one single emotional scar that will tail them for life, clean cut, sarcastic

2. Art History- Smell musty, have been locked in library book shelves before, too much pubic hair on the face, liberal elitist, future McDonalds historian (cashier)

3. Biology-Humble, low key, ugly as all get out

4. Business- Unlikeable, believe you have charisma when its in fact a slight retardation, very little to no real business skills.

5. Communications- Very boring and hard to communicate with unless it involves that person and his/her boring life. Less attractive than youd think.

6. Engineering- Like biology only foriegners who are uglier than all get out, smarter than all get out too though.

7. Foriegn Language- Future migrant laborer

8. Geography- Watched Indiana Jones as a child, masturbate to Harrison Ford frequently.

9. Healthcare- You clean asses and touch sick people for a living. I will never allow you to touch me without a glove on. If thats ok, than we should totally get to know one another.

10. Math/Stat- You were smart in high school, fell in love with how accpeting a college full of kids like you could be, than quickly realized your department is dreary, your teachers are dreary, and the kids walking in and out of the Arts and Sciences classes are having much better lives.

11. English- You have no redeemable talent to society. I am so sorry.

12. Information Technology- You will keep the seat warm for Raji in Bangladash for a few years. You will also be meeting a girl from Art History and having terribly sad relations, but who gives a shit, your in IT.

13. Web Design: You read my blogs and laugh at how low technology they are and slap high fives. One day, Ill make you all re-design my blogs for free because if you dont, Ill beat up your children. So take that.

14. Teaching- Good looking girls, nice enough guys, absolute air of arrogance and self assuredness that smells of fish. Thats unfortunate I know.

15. Political Science- You like to wear your hair a bit scraggly, read some Socialistg Realism, and sip wine while listening to NPR. You have endless one liners. Unfortunately, outside talking Marx v. Lenin, your social skills are as capable as Borat.