Flavor of the Weak Tackles: Race Relations

Its tough out there for a person of any skin color. What with sexual preference, gender, and ethnicity, do we even have time to consider a persons race these days when making lifelong personal judgements? The first thing that runs through my mind when I meet someone is a.)whether or not i hate this persons face, b.)whether or not this person is going to make unwanted advances on me (gay date rape!), and c.) whether or not this person likes to drink Natty Light while wearing croakies and a backwards "Sawx" cap while making me stare at his broken big toe because he had to wear Rainbows in the Winter.

As you can see, I am ABOVE race. I am that fucking enlightened. I dont even know what color Barack Obama, I just know hes got an affinity for the cocaine, and thats a white mans drug. But this is besides the point. My greatness is sadly, not the role model for most Americans concerning race relations. No...today, on college campuses and in the business world, the white man has become the black mans bitch. This is not the black mans fault. The guys just living his life. The problem begins and ends when poorly endowed white guys get the notion in their head that they will appear openminded/tough/and diverse if they are EXTRA accepting of the colored folks.

I come from Buffalo, and this may be a good thing. Buffalo is a northern city where everyone hates the blacks. But everyone also hates the Irish, the Italians, the Pollocks, and the Germans just as much. So the hate is universal, really. This gives me a good position to scoff at these white guys who feel its their duty to be as accomodating to black people as possible.

In college classes the white guys always strive to laugh at the black guys jokes, they go out of their way to use laid back lingo around them, they even might disobey the teacher (making them weep inside) just to show how much they dont give a fuck. The absolute best part comes when these guys will talk to black dudes about girls. "Man im going to tap that booty like a keg! Hhahaha! Hoes gonna git it!"...ive heard scrawny honkeys do this often. Very often. The black guys tolerate...who wouldnt, their being praised and immitation is the highest form of flattery. But c'mon...whats really going down is the scrawny white guys going to try and toe the line of being both sensitive and hard by taking the girl to an action movie, offering to buy her popcorn (denied), offering to put his arm around her (denied), and offering to touch her bra-strap (denied). Than shes going to get out of the car, and he will be in front of Halo 3 by 1030pm. This is the standard white mans date.

So the problem is really hitting new peaks over the last few years because these college kids are taking that diversity and open minded BS they learn in school and applying it to the real world. Suddenly every white guy thinks they can appreciate Stevie Wonder. Suddenly every white guy tells his kids he grew up on tough streets, hand in hand with the blacks in Delta. Sorry motherfucker, you didnt....and neither did the black men in colleges and workplaces today, the difference is, they dont try and act as if they did.