Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Quick Ways to Shut the Guy Next to You Up For Good

You didnt come to class to hear about Greg or Scotties latest drinking binge. In fact, NO ONE came to class because they anticipated hearing this painful story. Unfortunately, no one sent the memo to Greg and Scotty, and everytime you get to class, you know theyre going to chat your ear off.

We've decided to develop a few quick rebuttals and one liners that will throw them off and make class a lot more peacful from here on out:

Conversation 1

Asshole: "Man, I was knocking back the Natty Light last night, and these two hot chicks were all over me, but I was like, thre-"

Conversation 2

Shrimpy Wigger: "You know what I'm saying brah??? I was like, we can fight brah, but Ill beat your ass. Im feisty as hell brah, no one can beat my ass!"
You: "Hey man, I got some menthol cigarettes out in my car, ill give them to you for free after class!"
----This was the bait, now you know he wont say no to this offer, so when you two leave class, lead him to the Black Student Union, shout "Fuck Black People" and run. Lets see how well feisty holds up against "Strapped".

Conversation 3

Jersey Girl: "And I told my mom she was a bitch and than took her purse and bought some birth control. I'm not about to-"
You: "Birth Control? Thats a SIN!"

Conversation 4

Annoying Perv who Whispers Jokes to You: "Hey, do you think that girl over there likes to get FREAKY NAUGHTY (in Ben Stiller voice)?"
You: "(In Loud Voice) Hey Tricia, this guy wants to know if you like to get freaky or naughty? I think hes got a crush on you!"

All of these rudimentary responses are available for you to use as a gift from us for visiting this site. If you find the ardent conversationalist chatting your ear off STILL wont learn, than just rely on the steady and proven response "Well at least I'm not a gay!" Sophisiticated college kids will have absolutely no clue how to respond to this. Devastation will ensue, followed by panic.

1 comment:

Joseph Twarog said...

Haha nothing annoys me more than trying to take notes while listening to some freshman Dueshbag, (who will probably fail out) talk about how "trashed" he got last night. I may have woken up on the floor with a raging hangover but it's time to go to fucking class and attempt to learn retards.