Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The College Clubber: A Horrifying Combo

The trendy flavor for this week is the College Clubber. You know who I am talking about, and honestly, theres a good chance its probably you. Im not one to pass judgement (lie) but after being handed 1393848 fliers while walking to classes and being subjected to 2928348438 facebook pictures of dudes throwing gang signs inside clubs while surrounded by mediocre chicks, I had to speak out. Consider it my intervention party.
Enough is enough, though. Just because you go to the same spot 6 nights a week and know the bartenders by name, I am supposed to belive it when you say your living the good life? I've tried the clubbing game. All I found was the same thing over and over. Dudes with dark hair and dark, fake tans pounding it followed closely by ravenous looking girls who look great after a 12 pack of High Life but probably resemble Rosie O'Donnell the next morning. Yet somehow, these people never seem to get sick of it. They seem to thrive inside this little bubble they have created where they are celebrities in their minds because they can go out and mingle at nice looking bars.

Come on jackasses, ANYONE could get into the VIP section at ANY bar. Just because your doing it doesent mean everyone else should. Believe me, you can spit as many Kanye West and Jay Z lyrics out and talk about how big a pimp you are all night long, but the next morning, Im certain your getting into your car, pumping up the Fray and crying over the tab you ran up buying Layla, the Staten Island girls drinks only to see her go off with your friend Tito. Its ok, though, Im sure theyres 7,000 other Persian twentysomethings with daddys credit card looking to be your clubbing body and tan with you, I promise.

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